Early in recovery, I learned that I couldn’t always depend on my own way of thinking or reasoning. My perception—or world view—was often distorted from the reality life presents, especially when experiencing fear.
In sobriety today, I sometimes lack the spiritual tools needed to pull through difficult situations; and must constantly remind myself to put my faith in God. This still takes work, but not as difficult as in early recovery. Like building a muscle, developing faith requires ongoing practice.
I hear people say, “the greater the pain, the greater the gain”, and often this is necessary for a breakthrough in faith. For me, there is a difference between believing in God, and having faith in God. At first, “believing” was coming to an understanding that my higher power existed. Either God is, or He isn’t. This affirms that God is real by reason, but reason only goes so far.
Faith comes with a deeper commitment- not only knowing God exists, but that God is revealed through a personal relationship. Faith is above reasoning, resting on God’s authority. By taking direction from my sponsor and working the steps, I was able to make the transition from “I think God exists” to “I trust God exists”, which is much greater, but requires discipline and obedience.
Following the “Breadcrumbs”
To continue laying the pathway of faith, I look for evidence of God working in my life, both past and present. I call this “following the breadcrumbs,” which leads me to the truth. People often wonder about the nature of truth; for me, it has been God making Himself known to me. God’s little miracles appear along my path when I obediently follow Him. I try not to stray off the path. Recognizing these “breadcrumbs” gradually strengthens my faith, which increases my reliance on God. Going to meetings were one on many breadcrumbs leading me to stop drinking.
Experiencing God Outwardly
Each day, I try walking to exercise my mind, body, and soul. On these walks, I may catch a glimpse of God through warm sunlight shining through the leaves of a tall tree, or I might smell the fragrance of blooms in early spring. I hear water cascading over rocks in a stream or feel the chill of a winter breeze. All these experiences remind me that God has awakened my senses and brought me out of the shadows of my alcoholic disease.
Experiencing God Inwardly
During challenging periods—including a cancer diagnosis during the loss of several close family members—I relied on my faith for resilience. I made a conscious effort to remain composed for my wife and children, understanding that my emotional behavior could directly affect them. Ultimately, I recognized my limits and surrendered the situation to God. Despite persistent fear and anxiety, I built a bridge of faith to help me through this experience.
This period in my life had a transformative impact on me, and exemplified the power and progression of the second step of AA in two parts:
1.) Came to believe, and
2.) Restore to us to sanity.
God is the bridge in between.
Faith, Hope and Devine Guidance
The Truth: “…deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God…We found the Great Reality deep down within us.”
The Hope: “He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from bridge to shore. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator.”
The Promise: “When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us.”
– Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 55, 56, 57.
The Spiritual Path Forward: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.”- Proverbs 3:5-6